About two weeks ago I was so distressed over the disorder and chaos in my life. All week, as I walked the dogs I memorized a poem, actually a poem set to a hymn. It has become my mantra because it was one of the tender mercies of the Lord given to me one fretful Sunday morning. I worked on memorizing it all week — Be Still My Soul
Be still my soul: the Lord is on they side.
With patience bear they cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide.
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still my soul: thy best, thy heavenly friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Gene returned from another trip to Mexico, a 5-day trip where he drove our 10 year-old Yukon for 10 hours down to Alberto (for him to keep) and then he had to fly to Mexico City and spend precious money to visit a dirty filthy landfill. Then they flew to Hermosillo, Mexico for more business talk, and then home via Phoenix, Arizona, arriving at 7 p.m.
All day, I went over our work on the taxes, after an audit of three years that resulted in the IRS saying we owe them what amounts to the price of a home.
It was our 34th wedding anniversary.
I went to bed early, so distressed over the chaos of our lives, the business upheaval and the huge debt we have from funding our business and life — I fell asleep.
In the morning, I still felt the gloom of this chaos, this disorder of my life. I love order, I love the peace of an orderly life. It being Sunday, I thought of getting up and getting ready for church. I reached for my iphone next to my bed and decided to listen to the Mormon Channel. I tapped the little triangle that connects to the streaming radio station. I recognized the song, I listened closer to the words…
be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side.
What, really? God really does know about my chaos and need for order? It wasn’t a fluke that one fretful Sunday Morning in June.
I am not alone in the trials that stare me down. You are not alone either. Look for those tender mercies. Sometimes, that’s all we have to hang on to.
My husband did bring me back a treasured gift, a memento for our anniversary — this multi-colored glass heart. He’s very thoughtful and knows my weakness for colored glass.
I’m leaving the chaos to the Lord, as the song has recommended. I repeat that line of my mantra.
