Tag: relationships

Learning to Listen

I have often heard that women like to vent, talk about their problems, disclose what’s going on, that kind of thing. But, I have also heard that women don’t really want their man to “fix-it”. They just want to talk about it. And they want someone to listen and commiserate with them.   I think I might have something wrong with my female brain. I always want to fix-it. It’s the first thing that comes into my mind when someone begins to share a bad day. I think, “well, let’s see, maybe you should… or how about…” Sure, I...

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Benjamin Franklin contradictions

Oh boy, if I could only learn to do this better. Benjamin Franklin was always trying to improve his moral character. He said people accused him of being dogmatic and overly opinionated, to a fault. So he set out to improve. He had an interesting way to win an argument. I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbid myself… the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix’d opinion, such as certainly, undoubtedly, etc., and I adopted,...

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Understanding the visual man

Men are visual. Dennis Prager, conservative talk show host, likes to explain this to women. Since communication and understanding are essential in a good marriage, learning that men and women are different is one of the keys. I think it helps to understand the visual man. Prager wants to come clean, no more secrets. He explains that men are reluctant to reveal this visual nature to their wives. One guy called in on his talk show and said, yes his wife thought he was a pig when he tried to explain the visual nature of man.   For me, I have...

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Look for the results before you speak

My son got into the car, feeling down and bitter. When you’re a mom, that can totally bring you down too. All of a sudden I was on damage control. My son has a sense of humor, not a bad thing. In a class, the teacher asked “does anyone know what a countess is?”  My son replied, “a female accountant?” The teacher didn’t think it was so funny and reprimanded him in front of the class — “that’s enough…” I am sure this teacher wants to be a good teacher, but instead, for my son he came away disliking him. The teacher did not reach his goal to enlighten his students and encourage a desire to do better. Another son, working at a new position within his workplace, was graded by his boss on the second day of learning the new procedures. “You get a D — you didn’t do …..”  The upshot of that? My son was discouraged, he had been working hard to cover all the new information. Instead of staying late as he had been doing, he went home, on time. He said to me, “I would have handled that differently if I had been the one in charge.” Another son, another time, many years ago, in a second grade classroom. I was the parent volunteer. His teacher was revered as one of the best by...

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How to stay connected to your spouse

I listen to talk radio. Especially if I’m driving, I tune in to Dennis Prager and Michael Medved. I caught the Dennis Prager Male-Female Hour yesterday. I tuned in about 14 mins. after the hour, and heard Dennis advising husbands to call their wives during the day–just to say ‘Hi’–check-in that sort of thing. He explained that women like that. But not men. Then he and the rest of the men in the studio laughed at how that was not so important to them. One of them even said that it would be annoying, for his wife to call everyday to say “hi, how are you doing?” According to Dennis and all the guys, men do not really want a call from their wives saying “hi I was thinking of you…just wanted to tell you I love you…” But women like to be called, so they say. Yes, I am a wife that likes a call from my husband during the day, but I think we text more. And my husband doesn’t call to say “I love you”. If he did that, I would be worried, like maybe he is on the plane and it’s going down or something. I do understand that when you are in the middle of something big–even juggling work, kids, etc, you hardly have time for chit-chat. But it can be quick–“just thinking of...

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In The Eye of The Storm

I have been working on “being calm.”  I consider this to be a great attribute–to be calm in the face of the storm. Besides it being healthier–blood pressure stays low, less wrinkles scowling– I believe that there is a power in being calm, that you can help everyone around you who is starting to melt down, just by being the one calm person. Sometimes, it is almost a game for me, to see if I can remain calm when one of my kids or husband is beginning to “lose his cool.” One night, I dropped my husband off at the airport for one of many flights that had been part of his work. It was a late night flight. He arrived and I had reserved him a room in a new town, a new place. He had to take a shuttle, get a rental car, the whole deal. I called him about 12:30 am and sure enough he was lost. We have these iphones that are perfect for everything–you can map your destination and have it locate where you are. I was trying to talk him through the “how to use the map function” and he was getting frustrated. I tried to remain calm, as I could see he was tired, and could not get the map application to work, so I pulled out my laptop, got his location...

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