Category: Men and Women

10 ideas to keep the conversation nice at family gatherings

What will you be talking about at the holiday table? Some people find camaraderie by putting other people down. It happens in the best of families too. It happens at the workplace and school. But it’s especially damaging in the family. Sometimes it’s just a bad habit. When Uncle Joe is the only one missing at the holiday table — does the rest of the family talk about him in an unfavorable light? Sometimes we judge others harshly. And there may be legitimate reasons too. But, you know when the talk becomes derogatory. Or when it’s initiated to find...

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Teasing Isn’t Good

Some families, friends, and associates “tease” each other. They seem to make a sport of poking-fun at one another and become expert in the “put-down”. You know what I’m talking about. It seems fun and innocent, but really it’s sarcasm. It’s making fun of someone — which is not fun for the person who is the butt of the joke. I know some people do it so much they probably don’t even realize how it sounds and how it hurts another person. It’s so easy to join in too. Pretty soon, you’re chiming in. I know, we say “it’s all...

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Choosing a spouse

It’s probably the most important decision you’ll make in this life — who you marry. It’s not that easy. I have four sons and one daughter. When they were gathered home one week, we talked about choosing a mate.   What do you look for? How do you choose someone that is a good match? In Mormon life, we hope to marry for eternity. In our family, we hope to find a spouse that is a soulmate, as well. At the time, two of my sons were married and they eagerly chimed in with advice for their younger brother...

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Learning to Listen

I have often heard that women like to vent, talk about their problems, disclose what’s going on, that kind of thing. But, I have also heard that women don’t really want their man to “fix-it”. They just want to talk about it. And they want someone to listen and commiserate with them.   I think I might have something wrong with my female brain. I always want to fix-it. It’s the first thing that comes into my mind when someone begins to share a bad day. I think, “well, let’s see, maybe you should… or how about…” Sure, I...

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When your spouse forgets — forget it

There’s an old “I Love Lucy” episode where Lucy hopes Ricky remembers their anniversary. It’s so aggravating. Why doesn’t she just remind Ricky, “its our anniversary on Tuesday.” Instead she keeps dropping all these hints about their special day, serving him rice for breakfast, circling the date on the calendar and asking Ricky “why is that day circled?” Eventually she bemoans to Ethel that she’s sure Ricky has forgotten their anniversary. It’s never too late to take the first step and it’s too self-consuming to sit around hoping your spouse remembers your special day. I don’t care what it is,...

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Benjamin Franklin contradictions

Oh boy, if I could only learn to do this better. Benjamin Franklin was always trying to improve his moral character. He said people accused him of being dogmatic and overly opinionated, to a fault. So he set out to improve. He had an interesting way to win an argument. I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbid myself… the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix’d opinion, such as certainly, undoubtedly, etc., and I adopted,...

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More proof of the visual man

My humor for the day is a clip from this 1961 Doris Day movie, called “Lover Come Back.” It’s the VIP movie. Doris Day plays Miss Carol Templeton, an ad executive for a New York advertising agency. Rock Hudson is an ad exec for a competing Agency, where he wines and dines his clients, setting up wild parties with girls. Doris reports him to the Ad Council for unethical conduct, but Jerry Webster (Rock Hudson) manages to side step this by sending in one of his bombshell girls, Rebel Davis (Edie Adams), to represent him. Rebel woos the Ad Council...

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Away With Stereotype Mormons

Not too long ago, I thought there was a stereotype Mormon woman. Funny too, because Brigham Young (prophet from 1844 to 1877) was totally against stereotype Mormons. I know, we have commandments to follow that set us apart, but we also have this idea of personal revelation — that it’s our job to receive inspiration and follow it. We believe in following the guidance we receive from the prophet, the scriptures and individually from the Lord. They shouldn’t conflict, true. But this still allows for individual paths. And, individual trials. President Monson has advised us to be more inclusive,...

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Understanding the visual man

Men are visual. Dennis Prager, conservative talk show host, likes to explain this to women. Since communication and understanding are essential in a good marriage, learning that men and women are different is one of the keys. I think it helps to understand the visual man. Prager wants to come clean, no more secrets. He explains that men are reluctant to reveal this visual nature to their wives. One guy called in on his talk show and said, yes his wife thought he was a pig when he tried to explain the visual nature of man. For me, I have been...

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Past Valentines

I was born on Valentine’s Day. I wear a little gold heart necklace that my grama gave me on my first birthday. My mom and dad snapped pictures of the big day. I don’t remember a lot of birthdays. Without photos,  or a journal, I  forget. Even with the early photos, I don’t have that kind of memory. However, I still have the necklace and that little porcelain angel (left foreground) that says, “Sunday’s Child.” It’s been glued several times, and she’s lost her wings. Must be part of the telestial life. But I’m working on getting those back....

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Men are the true romantics

My husband  claims that men are the true romantics. I don’t argue differently. When I listen to the lyrics of sappy-love songs from the 70s, I’ll have to agree. But, I don’t think one sex is weaker than the other. Men and women see things differently, which is evident in the Garden of Eden. I don’t know about Eve getting tricked and all, but she stepped up to the plate and made the difficult decision to enter mortality. Adam seemed quite content to hang around the garden. I’m not sure there’s any other way to gain this knowledge but...

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Interpretation of the sin next to murder

I’m confused by the way we understand and categorize sex sins. I listened to Elizabeth Smart share her feelings of why she didn’t run when given the chance. She graciously spoke at a human trafficking conference at John Hopkins University, where she shared what went through her mind after being kidnapped and  raped. “One of the questions that is most commonly asked of me, ‘Well why didn’t you run away, why didn’t you yell, why didn’t you scream?’” I’m sure she’s had years of therapy to help her overcome the ordeal of being kidnaped at age 14 and raped...

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Dressing Like Barbie

Some women just don’t get it. In 2002,  I was listening to Dennis Prager on the radio talk about young women who dress provocatively — too much like Britney Spears (the hot babe at the time.) Some of the women, old enough to understand, just did not get it. They said it was fine for women of any age to dress however they wanted, and that men should have the decency to never look. I thought about my own teenage years and decided to write Dennis an email about my experiences. I was surprised to get a response back...

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Mother’s Day

I chose to be a mother, even when I discovered that pregnancy made me very sick. Seven times. I was blessed with five children. But it isn’t the number of children you have, it’s what you do as a woman that is motherly. We have different callings, and some women become mothers in other ways than through the birthing process. It’s what you do as a woman. You don’t have to be a mother and a great career woman like Marisa Mayer to be successful, even though the media will tell you that (and sometimes I still feel that...

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Men With A License to Look At Women

Men look at women, and most men know they aren’t supposed to stare. But some men get away with it, as part of their job. About a year ago, while driving home, I passed the park where Mr. Motor cop was straddling his bike, helmet off, eyeing all the teenage girls dressed in their sunny, immodest California clothing on the way to high school.I thought, “Wow, he can get away with sitting there and staring; he has a license to look.”  No one even thinks this is strange. Any other man staring down the girls would be in trouble. Men have...

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“Though matter is replaced through an endless cycle of creations and dissolution, only spirit retains conscious identity, so that strictly speaking “only progeny is immortal,” each “mounting up from world to world” acquiring ever more “treasure” while “progressing towards His perfection which awaits them all.” (Nibley, Treasures in the Heavens)