It’s probably the most important decision you’ll make in this life — who you marry. It’s not that easy. I have four sons and one daughter. When they were gathered home one week, we talked about choosing a mate.
What do you look for? How do you choose someone that is a good match? In Mormon life, we hope to marry for eternity. In our family, we hope to find a spouse that is a soulmate, as well. At the time, two of my sons were married and they eagerly chimed in with advice for their younger brother who was in college.
I tell my son, “it’s important to be equally yoked — like oxen. You have to do a lot of plowing in life and you want a mate that will pull alongside you. If your matey is always down, it’s going to be rough. You want to have the same goals and you want to be equals in so many things — quest for knowledge, desire for family, affection, goals.”
They kind of laughed at my oxen metaphor. I guess I relate to it. But what do we know about oxen? Or for that matter the rigors of being married for 30+ years.
Credit: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mos-braganca-junta-arando.jpg
In the book of Genesis God says,
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him.”(Genesis 2:18) and “as for Adam there was not found a helpmeet for him.” (Moses 3:20)
“Helpmeet” is often explained as “helpmate.” That’s not a glamorous word, and so often means something not equal at all. Today it probably means “helper” — someone who helps another person who is smarter and more advanced than the helper. In fact, it is kind of negative and subordinate, as in “the help.”
Hugh Nibley says this is an interesting word: helpmeet which is the same as meet, mate, match, two things that are alike, it means equal. When you have a game, you don’t have a match unless the two sides are equal. And the person who is on the team with you is a mate and when you come together you have a meet. It’s about working together. (Nibley, The Combat)
My kids probably understand that better than the oxen. They played sports, they know about teams and being equally matched.
Eve is equal to Adam, they are a good match, equal in quality and strength when they meet. They are matched mates.
