I try to instill self-confidence in my kids — without being a dragon mother. And you can’t be a phoney baloney when you praise your kids — they recognize it. While watching my children grow up, I tried to perceive their natural abilities and encourage them to develop those. I would say to them, “just give it a try, if you don’t like it, you can quit.” And that worked — giving them an option.

But still, you want them to have success. And I understand how hard that can be when you are dealing with lots of different personalities and learning abilities. (like ADHD and dyslexia)

Dr. Ivan Joseph shares his advice in a TED talk called “The Skill of Self Confidence.” These methods will help you with your kids, your spouse, the people you work with, and yourself.

These are the main points for building self-confidence:

1.  Practice what you want to do. If you choose something that you’re passionate about, it’s easier. There’s no way around the fact that practice, practice, practice is the key.

2.  Stop the inner negative dialogue. “I can’t do this.” (Yea, I have said that too often, even while pregnant.) Our thoughts influence out actions so stop the negative self talk.  In quiet moments remind yourself — “I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.”  I’m not talking about ego or false pride. But you need to give yourself credit. This is especially true when you are religious, because you can feel down.

3.  “Get away from the people who tear you down.” In fact, that kind of thing can bring on the inner negative dialogue. Don’t hang with those who bring you down. Avoid negative energy.

4.  Acknowledge the good. Remember how you’re supposed to catch your kids doing good? We have a tendency to catch them doing bad. It takes work to remember to look for the good and ignore the things they didn’t do — like take out the trash. Give yourself credit for doing the good things. We all mess up but we don’t need to dwell on it.

5.  Be careful how you “fix mistakes.” Don’t tell someone what they’re doing wrong. That really brings them down and destroys their confidence.  Ignore what they’re doing wrong and instead acknowledge someone who is doing it right. “Praise the positive behavior you want to reinforce.” As Dr. Joseph says, “Johnny’s confidence won’t be destroyed.”