There’s an old “I Love Lucy” episode where Lucy hopes Ricky remembers their anniversary. It’s so aggravating. Why doesn’t she just remind Ricky, “its our anniversary on Tuesday.” Instead she keeps dropping all these hints about their special day, serving him rice for breakfast, circling the date on the calendar and asking Ricky “why is that day circled?” Eventually she bemoans to Ethel that she’s sure Ricky has forgotten their anniversary.
It’s never too late to take the first step and it’s too self-consuming to sit around hoping your spouse remembers your special day. I don’t care what it is, anniversary, birthday, your first date, whatever. Just remind him and plan it; if you want something special, you own the day and be happy.
One year, my hubby and I both forgot our anniversary. Truly, I was so surprised that I forgot. It was kind of a reminder that even I can forget things, and I shouldn’t be dismayed when my husband forgets. That happens to me all the time — whatever I complain about, boom, the next thing you know, I get caught doing that very same thing.
It’s kind of normal for my spouse to forget, he just doesn’t think like that, or keep track of time and dates. Maybe it’s his dyslexia, or his ADD, or male compartmental thinking. I don’t know, but if I were to evaluate my happiness on his memory of our special days, I would be a miserable woman.
My birthday is Valentines Day, so he never forgets that, because the world reminds him. But even so, there have been many birthdays when he was traveling on business. One year, I remember taking my three little kids out to dinner at the Soup Plantation for my birthday. I informed them that it was my birthday and we were going to celebrate. I bought each of them a present, and explained that I was giving them a gift for my birthday because I was happy to be their mom. We had fun; I juggled the three little kids at the table and left their big mess and my big tip for the waitress. I made my cake and I had a memorable birthday.
I like the idea of giving gifts on your birthday instead of receiving them. Just think, how many of your friends and family would be anxiously awaiting your birthday. “Hey, its my birthday today, and I’m thankful for our friendship.” I have a girlfriend that often buys her own birthday or mothers day or christmas gift. I know, it sounds crazy, but really, you get to treat yourself, and you get what you want and you don’t need to feel bad that “no one remembered me.”
In a relationship it’s nice if one of you remembers special occasions, but if that someone happens to be you, don’t be sad when your spouse is not the one. Just take charge, plan something fun, remind your dear one that you have made some great plans, and decide that this method works. Remember men are different, they have this ability to compartmentalize and work very focused on one task. (So the psychologists say.) Women are better at juggling many thoughts at one time, to our detriment sometimes. Our minds really do work differently.